She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
