my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
