you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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