Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do herpes really smell.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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