can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize