I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
