this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
