She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
