4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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