nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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