I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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