i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
