4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
