You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize