her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
