Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
