remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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