I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
