also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
