the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize