WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
