sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
