You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
