guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
