i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
