I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
