I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
