after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
