Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
