I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
