talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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