You can't motorboat a personality
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
