I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
