I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
