I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
