she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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