I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
