went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
