i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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