Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
