Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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