my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
