I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
