New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
