my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
