I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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