Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
