Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
