he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
