I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
