Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize