well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
