Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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