wake up i wanna do it froggy style
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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