my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
