His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
