Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
