I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
