I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
