I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
