tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
