It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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