Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
