oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
