and you said cock pushups were impossible
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
