I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
