I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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