worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
