its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
